Perfectionist to Optimalist

The truth is, people can be notoriously hard on themselves. In fact, I have often heard from clients that they consider themselves to be their own worst enemy. To make matters even more challenging, the demands of our culture today often cause us to feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated.  For women, a nurturing, people pleasing nature can cause feelings of guilt and shame when we don’t perform up to our own and others’ expectations. Men tend to carry the weight of their burden more stoically, often denying to their loved ones and themselves that they are feeling stressed. Over time, the combination of external pressure along with an internal “critical voice” (and/or denial) causes both emotional and physical distress. Not surprisingly, this kind of pressure can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, as well as conflict and dissatisfaction with loved ones--all of this can eventually wreak havoc in your life and relationships.

You might even discover that you have been engaging in “addictive” behaviors as a way of avoiding the powerful emotions brewing just under the surface--staying busy, working non-stop, shopping, and focusing obsessively on exercise, body image and material things are all ways to avoid feeling emotional distress. Unfortunately, these are temporary and often destructive forms of “relief,” leading to greater distress. You may have come to the conclusion at this point that something needs to change--if this describes you, please read on.

I would like to help you to get “unstuck,” to feel better about yourself, to cut yourself some needed slack, to understand what it is you want and need in both life and in relationships, and to help you to eliminate the guilt or denial that is plaguing you and getting in your way of finding solutions to your problems or resolving conflicts--that’s a lot! I would also like to work with you to consider how you might continue to do for others and be with them in a more joyful way, without compromising your own needs and desires.

Lisa M. Quinn, M.F.T.

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